#27: The Boondock Saints: Pulp Fiction and Goodfellas Meet Irish Guys and Stupidity

A bartender named Troy Duffy once saw a drug dealer take money from a corpse. His response? To write a movie called The Boondock Saints. This film came out in 1999 and was in theaters for about five days. It then was released on DVD, where, over the course of the next few years, it found itself in the prized film collection of many bros throughout the United States. These bros spread the word, one set of bench press at a time, and soon enough, The Boondock Saints had become a cultural phenomenon. 

The Boondock Saints, about to kill some bad guys. 

In this episode of General Snobbery, Matt and Sean take a look back at this movie, a movie that was beloved by many dudes at their all-boys Catholic High School, including, much to their regret, themselves. Yes, Matt and Sean, those endeavoring on the path of the #TrueSnob, once loved The Boondock Saints. They loved it so much, in fact, that upon this 2016 viewing of a film that should never be watched again by anyone, they could recall what was to come, scene by scene, line by line. 

Nevertheless, as wisdom comes with age and experience, so transformations in one’s viewing of a film occur. With great thanks to the Lord Almighty, Matt and Sean discovered that this film is, in fact, incredibly bad. At times, it’s hilariously bad. The most ridiculous part about it is that it clearly thinks it’s awesome. It wants you, the viewer, to believe that it’s saying something profound about existence, making a big moral stand on evil and corruption in the contemporary world. What it’s really about is two flat Irish characters deciding to kill bad guys. 

If it weren’t for Willem Defoe… well, actually, even he couldn’t save this godawful film. Nevertheless, due to its total badness, The Boondock Saints provided one of the most laugh-filled snobs yet, one of those sacred snobs where Sean and Matt sat across from one another, in the same room, cultivating the limitless snobbery in a singular space. We hope you enjoy, listener, as they parse through their past, work through the guilt of once having liked this movie, and enter a place of calm and peace that snobbery alone may yield. 

And shepherds we shall be, for thee my Lord, for thee, against the existence of this atrocious, irredeemable movie. 

#25: The Passion Two: Resurrection of Mel Gibson's Jesus

"Okay, J.C., in this scene, you're going to be in a lot of pain." -Mel Gibson

We all know that Mel Gibson is quite the interesting character. From directing/starring in the hit epic Braveheart to embarking upon drunken racist/Anti-Semitic rants on public record, the man is most unpredictable, to say the least. But, as our heroes Trey Parker and Matt Stone suggest in their “Imaginationland” episode of South Park, Mel Gibson may be a loon, but the man knows plot structure. 

That’s why we at General Snobbery are most excited to see what ole Mel has cookin’ for his upcoming film, The Passion Two. Yes, we know he has stated that the film will be called Resurrection, but nevertheless, in our era of sequels, The Passion Two seems more fitting. Currently, there exists little to no information about The Passion Two. Thus, we are left to our speculative devices to ponder what amazing realities this sixth gospel (the fifth, of course, being The Passion One) may bring to be. 

Mel Gibson, as portrayed by South Park, whose nipples hurt when he twists them. 

In this episode, our conversation winds from the antics of Mel to the figure of Christ, from Jim Caviezel’s performance to Jesus’ distaste of snakes. We discuss Scorsese’s The Last Temptation of Christ in detail, juxtaposing it with Mel’s “Easter Card” portrayal of Christianity’s key figure. We consider just how Mel will succeed in making this film as violent as the rest of his, pausing to visualize just how he might portray J.C.’s descent into Hell in the three days following his death. And finally, we take a close look at the final scene of The Passion, the scene of the resurrection, where a hole in the hand reveals more than just a little Caviezel thigh…

We thank ye, listener, for tuning in, and we hope you join us in your excitement for this upcoming epic film. Currently, we know not who is cast for Jesus. Despite the fact that Jimmy C will be nearly fifty years old at the time of its filming, we strongly desire for his return as the Christ. So we ask you to help us #BringCaviezelBack, at any opportunity possible. 

Praise be, listener. Praise be. 

Here's a particular yoked and bearded Mel discussing The Passion and The Passion Two. He appears like he's gone slightly insane!

Watch closely for some Caviezel butt!

#23: Inferno: What In Hell Is Happening?

"Dirty" Tom Hanks stars in this terrible new film. 

There are not many good things to say about the new film Inferno. In fact, there might not be any. It's horrible. Truly excruciating to bear. Fortunately, with special guest David Spitz at our side, we find plenty to snob about re: this terrible offering from washed-up director Clint Howard. The newest film in the Dan Brown adaptation-series that began with 2006’s The Da Vinci Code, Inferno follows the misadventures of ole Robby Langdon (played by Tom “Chilly-T” Hanks) as he follows a new trail of symbols. But hey, this time he has amnesia! So what’s been happening in the past? Why is he here? Why are any of us here, watching this horrible movie? Some questions are not meant to be answered, which is the premise upon which Clint Howard’s new film is founded. Should you choose to see Inferno, know fully that you are choosing to descend into a place of horror and despair, a place of confusion and chaos, where no pillars of value stand. This is an irrelevant movie that should not be seen. So tune into this new episode of General Snobbery! You don’t want to miss it! 

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This painting by Botticelli is important in Inferno, I think.