news of the movie world

Here you will find all the latest news and trends of the movie world, complete with a little dose of Snobbery.

 

Kevin feige plans to return all marvel characters to marvel studios.

Soon all cinematic creativity shall be his. Amen.


Jurassic world 2 Promo art teases possible return of indominus rex.

When called in for questioning, Indominus Rex said, "I'm going to kill that fucking whale thing."


A group of hackers threaten to release the new pirates of the caribbean movie unless Disney pays a ransom.

When asked to comment, Disney CEO Bob Iger said, "We don't negotiate with nerds."


Russell crowe will become mr. hyde in upcoming mummy reboot.

This is not new news. It's just so incredibly dumb.


Rumors circulate that Christopher Nolan may direct James Bond 25

 

Plot is currently unknown, but speculation abounds that it will follow a Russian crime syndicate who controls an inter-dimensional wormhole through which Bond must ride an exploding Tesla in pursuit of the Japanese agents who stole secret files hidden inside the architecture of the mind.


The Boondock saints upcoming tv series will not star sean patrick flanery or norman reedus.

Not being in the show might hurt their careers but will increase their artistic dignity.


David harbour cast as hellboy in place of ron perlman.

When questioned about the decision, director Neil Marshall said, "Ron Perlman has become an old ugly man, so we decided to fill the role with a young ugly man."


Transformers 5: The last knight will be the last transformers movie michael bay will direct.

When asked to comment, Bay replied, "Vroom vroom vroom, fast fast, Megan Fox. Vroom."


David Lynch claims he is done making movies.

Darn. I guess our hope of a spinoff involving Disney and Marvel characters exploring a surreal psychosphere of depravity and sexual perversion will never see the light of day.


The Circle had a dismal opening weekend in the United States, grossing under 10 million dollars.

Again, audiences make known they prefer fast cards and laser guns to any kind of social commentary.


A recent tv spot for the film dunkirk revealed a full-length trailer will be released friday, may 5th.

A trailer about another trailer? Wow, that's deep, just like Inception.


Chris pratt claims that avengers: Infinity war will "transcend" the genre.

What an abstract, philosophical term to use about a movie that is essentially a cartoon.


Superman vs. The KKK, a film adaptation of the 1946 radio drama, is in development.

We're not saying he is, but if Henry Cavill was a white supremacist, would the Studios recast Brandon Routh? #RootForRouth


 

Since its release in theaters, The Fate of the Furious has been pirated online over 2 million times.

But don't worry, it has still made over a billion dollars. 


john boyega dumped when his date found out he was in star wars.

She feared the residual criticism that would lead to his inevitable destiny of becoming the next Jake Lloyd. 


Vin Diesel promises great things in the future of Groot, maybe even a Groot spinoff movie.

Yes!  After all these years, we will finally get a movie series about a humanoid tree alien who can hardly speak.


ewan mcgregor's christopher robin will be adult businessman who has lost sense of imagination and wonder.

Just call it Hook 2 and stop acting like we're fucking stupid. 


Guy Ritchie (Snatch) to direct live-action version of aladdin.

Disney proves they have officially replaced ideas with formulas proven to steal people's money. What a heist plot! 


James Gunn will return to direct third Guardians movie. 

Most likely, the film will have roughly the same plot and cast as the first two, but with a higher budget.


Jeff goldblum will appear in jurassic world sequel.

The question everyone is asking: will his reclined, exposed torso make a cameo? 


Jon Favreau is doing a live action Lion King Remake. 

The basic premise is that turning a beloved cartoon into a live action remake is a market Hollywood has yet to exploit.


Well over 20 marvel characters will appear in avengers: Infinity War.

Russo Brothers hope such an overwhelming cast will make people forget how dumb this movie's title is. If not, at least it will help them forget how dumb the plot will be.


Billy Eichner and Seth Rogan might play Timon and Pumbaa in Lion King remake. 

More than likely, Nathan Lane was never asked to reprise his role, but if he was, he probably said, "Fuck that and fuck you!" 


Sony is developing a biopic film about WWE's Vince McMahon. 

The hope is that Sony also develops spin off series about Stone Cold and the Undertaker and create a whole WWE cinematic universe.


Avatar 2 Delayed Until 2020.

Cameron’s logic: it will take that long for people to forget how much they hated the first one once someone decided it was a Pocahontas knock-off and everyone hopped on the bandwagon. 


Chris Pratt says Suicide Squad flopped because of too many characters. 

In reality, the failure to make a convoluted web of spin offs and sequels led to Suicide Squad's poor performance.


Classic video game Rampage is being turned into a 2018 feature film. 

 

The logic is that since video games with actual plots become such great films, an arcade game that is literally plot-less will be even better. 


Alien: Covenant uses john denver's "country roads" in newest trailer.

Sources say this is because it is a road movie, with Michael Fassbender's "Walter" android serving as a propaganda-fueled allegory for self-driving vehicles.