#63: Anaconda: Jon Voight of Paraguay in the Amazon

Cube. Lopez. Wilson. That Victorian Hunter from Jumanji. These are the people you will meet in the Amazon, searching for the fabled People of the Mist. But what else will you meet on this Voightage? CGI!

Anaconda is Roger Ebert’s favorite movie, and it’s basically Jaws. People on a rickety boat attacked by a monster water creature? Yep, that’s Jaws. That is one Voightage I have no interest in taking!

Deep in the jungle, while on your Voightage, you will find more than wild creatures. You will find treachery and even fascism as one man turns this educational Voightage into a horror Voightage. 

Full of amazing lives and even more amazing faces, Anaconda is about as mediocre as a thing can be and likely served no major benefit to society as a whole. Most likely Roger Evert would disagree with that, but to each his Voighn. 

#62: Blue Velvet

Blue Velvet is a disturbing movie. The main reason it is disturbing is because of a man named Hopper. Dennis Hopper to be exact. Dennis Hopper plays Frank, a crazy man who inhales nitrous oxide from a ventilator he seems to always have. In reality, Dennis Hopper is playing Dennis Hopper, because when D.H. saw the script, he told filmmaker David Lynch, "I must play Frank, because I am Frank." If that is the case, it's a good thing he's dead. 

Join us for this disturbing snob that gets Freudian real fast. This one takes us out of our comfort zone. That's what David Lynch does. He seems to want to show us that we are all twisted when we dig deep enough, just like protagonist Jeffrey, played by the detective from Twin Peaks. Jeffrey likes Heineken, but Frank likes Pabst Blue Ribbon. We never learn what Ben likes, because Ben is more interested in lip synching Roy Orbison songs and punching Jeffrey in the stomach. Regardless, crack open your beer, pour yourself a coffee, and join us on this snob through the repressed sexuality of the dark unconscious. 

#61: The Waterboy: Adam Sandler Tackles Colonel Sanders

“Something wrong with his medulla oblongata!” yells Colonel Sanders at Bobby Boucher. Rage fills the innocent Waterboy, and he crushes the fear-stricken Colonel with no restraint. After this, Colonel Sanders respects Boucher and eventually becomes one of his biggest fans. Then he is trampled by a celebrating crowd. This is one of the reasons Colonel Sanders is the best of all side characters in The Waterboy.

But there are many more! Let’s not forget Farmer Fran, who, like Mel Gibson, enjoys twisting his nipples. Then there’s Clint Howard, who is ‘not a handsome man.’ And Captain Insano (The Big Show), who shows no mercy.And of course we get Rob Schneider, who appears at random and repeatedly insists that the Waterboy ‘can do it!'

Does this film hold up, 20 years after its release? How does it stack in the canon of Adam Sandler efforts? Why would two dudes spend an hour talking about it here in 2018? All of these questions and many more are considered in this new schnob, which we know you will enjoy. Get the laugh track ready. Farmer Fran has some wisdom to share.