Mortal Kombat is a film about fighters. One of these fighters is Liu Kang, a man Gene Siskel once called the "Asian good guy." Another one of these fighters is Johnny Cage. Another one is Sonya Blade (pronounced "Sonya Bleede" by Shang Tsung). These three fighters become friends, because the movie places them all together, and next thing they know, they're fighting for the fate of the world! Holy cow! Holy Scorpion!
Yes, that is a pun about Scorpion, who is another fighter and a personal favorite of these two snobs back in Mortal Kombat 2 on Sega Genesis days. Scorpion is cool because he can shoot a weird rope thingy out of his hand that snatches up his opponent as the unhuman monster yells, "Get over here!" Man. Writing about this film is baffling. How on earth does it possibly exist?
We do not know, but we are glad it does, for this episode was a joyous one indeed. If you want to relive some mid-90s magic, if you want to hear about Lord Raiden, or if you wish to hear a mashup of soundbytes in conjunction with a probably-pointless conversation, then, dear listener, this snob's for you. Let us together experience a Flawless Victory.