“Dude, did you see the new Fast and Furious movie?”
“Yeah dude. It was so dope.”
“So dope man. Remember when that car blew up?”
“Oh yeah. I remember that. Remember when the Rock kicked those guys’ asses?”
“Yeah dude. Or how about when Vin Diesel growled at that woman?”
“Yeah. And those Russian nukes? And that seemingly unconnected submarine?”
“That was my favorite part!”
“Man. I hope they make these movies forever.”
And chances are, listener, they will. For if the eighth installment of this most unlikely of franchises, entitled The Fate of the Furious, has set a record for biggest international opening weekend. Wow! It even beat The Force Awakens, and that had Boyega in it! There is no Boyega in sight here, but there is Ludacris, and Tyrese, and Kurt Russell, and Michelle Rodriguez, and even Mark Sinclair.
On today’s Fate of the Furious episode, we are joined by four special guests, four young men who have been taught by the snob known in this episode as “Mr. Sean”. These four gentlemen—Connor Aguilar, Philip Brain, Ethan Fetters, and Sean Wolahan—endeavor nobly down the path of snobbery, inciting great linguistic potentiality in order to properly deconstruct and digest this massacre of a film. Is it worth seeing? Well, that depends on who you are asking. But apparently most people would say yes, cause it has made over a billion dollars.
In an era of film franchises, when the Marvel Universe threatens to take over the actual universe, let us be filled with joy that a franchise about cars and explosions has somehow risen to the top. Actually, that’s probably not a reasonable source of joy. But then again, there is a two minute scene where Tyrese is dragged across an icy lake at hundreds of miles an hour. Yay Capitalism!
Enjoy this snob, listener, where these four honorable young lads carry the torch through this dark and massively confusing film, endeavoring on the noble path of trying to describe what in the hell it is about. For should they succeed, then we will all learn how to make a billion dollars in today’s wild world.
Good day, dear listener.