#44: Armageddon

Your daily life is simple.  It is idealistic.  Your values are strong and your morals are sound.  There is no reason, you think, that you and everything you know should be wiped out in a matter of seconds.  Too fucking bad asshole.  You're going to die!


Here's Bruce Willis (aka Michael Bay) hitting golf balls at liberals

Harry Stamper was just a blue-collar oil driller.  He was smart, damn good at his job, and absolutely hated liberals of every kind.  He had a rag-tag team of strong Duncans and smart Wilsons.  All he wanted in his life was to run his rig, care for his daughter, and push his conservative agenda.  Too fucking bad asshole.  You're going to save the world!

Armageddon is a baffling film.  It is horribly written, way to long, and espouses a stringent form of conservative ideology that exists in the realm of nostalgia-worship.  When an asteroid the "size of Texas" is headed toward your home, you suddenly realize that the ways things used to be seem a lot more appealing than the ways they are going to be.  Catch our drift?  Michael Bay basically said earth represents conservative values and the asteroid represents liberal values.

Sean and Matt attempt to drill to the core of this movie, a movie that has so much that can be said about it that it is almost impossible to say anything at all about it.  A true anomaly of a film.

Michael Baby with his toy

At the core of this film is not a nuclear bomb, it is Michael Bay.  Actually, Michael Bay basically is a nuclear bomb in that both cause destruction and their proliferations are a question of morality.  The Man-child, Michael Bay, becomes a strong point of discussion in this Snob.  As always, Sean and Matt consider his intention, maturity, and whether he has absorbed the person of Jerry Bruckheimer.  (It is quite possible Michael Bay keeps Jerry Bruckheimer in a cage in his Ford Mustang garage, only letting Jerry out occasionally to do movie promotions.  To reference a film with much deeper themes, Jerry Bruckheimer is basically Michael Baby's Manchurian Candidate).

If there is a redeeming light in this particular Snob, it is the brief reference to our personal friend, Jake Busey.  Aside from that, another triumph is when Sean and Matt realize they never have to watch this shit-film (probably scheizefilmische) ever again.  The truth of Being-Toward-Explosion (Sein Zum Explosion (yes, the English and German are the same)), remains O so real! Non-American directors seek to highlight profound questions in their action movies whereas American directors seek to highlight their sweet space suits. 

Strap in, fight your space dimentia, and load your mini gun. We got somethin' big coming up. Zero Barrier!

Fuck you!